


Shoreline

by gankutsuou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Post War, Post-Hogwarts, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-24 16:17:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8379025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gankutsuou/pseuds/gankutsuou
Summary: After the Second War Tonks tracks down her ex-lover, Remus Lupin, who has been living in seclusion on the stormy coast of Scotland.





	1. Shoreline

Tonks landed with a skid on the gravel road that ran along the shore. With a big sigh of satisfaction, she dismounted her broom and took in the scene before her.   
Remus Lupin had taken up residence in a small cottage along the coast of Scotland. She smiled, breathing in the salty air that brushed off the sea, she was happy. Finally, Remus had a place where he could find peace and freedom from pain. The Second War was over, they all could rest now.   
The location of the cottage was disclosed to only a few members of the Order for the sake of Remus’s own privacy. Tonks was not included in that few. It hurt, she could not deny that, but she found satisfaction in knowing that she was able to squeeze out the location from Kingsley Shacklebolt, who agreed in thinking that a visit from Tonks would do the werewolf some good.  
He’s going to be right pissed when he finds me on his doorstep, she thought, a devilish grin spread across her face.   
Picking up her broom, she set off for the cottage that appeared as a mere speck along the shore. A storm was coming, the wind had become too violent for Tonks to fly through, she would have to walk the rest of the way.  
The wind howled, whipping her mousy brown hair up about her head, kicking sand up in swirls around her feet as she walked. The black clouds inked the horizon as she looked out at the ocean beside her. She hoped that Remus would not take the storm as a bad omen of her arrival.   
As the cottage came into view, she smiled at how quaint it was. It was small, with a thatched roof and a porch in the front with a lone bench. The stone chimney that crawled up the side emitted a stream of dark smoke and through the closed shutters on the windows, a warm glow shone through.  
Finally, she reached the porch, just as the first spray of rain began to fall. She rapped on the door, there was a low growl of thunder from off in the distance. It was not long before Remus answered the door.  
He looked at her with wide, surprised eyes. Tonks could feel her breath hitch at the sight of him. She was looking at the face of Remus Lupin, a man who had been absent from her life for almost three years.   
But he was different from how she remembered him. His skin had acquired a fairly dark tan and his jaw was generously stubbled with a salt and pepper beard. The tan made the scars that marred his face stand out twofold, same went for the scars on his exposed forearms and she could only imagine where else. His hair was lighter from its expensive exposure to the sun and Tonks could see generous amounts of grey threaded through his light brown mane.   
It was also the most casually dressed she had ever seen him. With a wrinkled Oxford shirt that was haphazardly buttoned only halfway, exposing his scarred chest, and sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was also wearing a pair of black trousers that were rolled halfway up his calves, exposing his tanned ankles and bare feet.  
“D—Tonks?” he sputtered. His eyebrows shot up into his light brown fringe.  
“It’s raining! You going to let me in or what?” she asked, smiling.   
“Oh, yes, sorry,” he said, stepping aside to allow Tonks entry into his home.  
She stepped across the threshold, hearing the door click shut behind her. She grinned at how “Remus” the house was.   
It was warm, the only light coming from the fireplace along the wall, and it was small, there being only two doors which Tonks expected lead to the loo and bedroom. The kitchen and sitting room were conjoined. Books littered the kitchen counters, the dining table, the sofa, the floor. The table in the kitchen was spread with pieces of parchment and several quills and ink wells.  
“Well this is cozy!” she said cheerfully, propping up her broom against the nearby wall.   
There were no photos on the walls or anywhere else. No photos to remind him of the family he lost and the past he bore. She heard him offer tea and nodded as she made her way over to the lumpy old sofa she recognized from his old apartment in London.   
“Blimey Remus! You’d think with all the money the Ministry gave you after the War you’d buy yourself a more comfortable sofa!”   
“I like that sofa,” he replied lamely. Tonks could hear the clank of mugs and sloshing of water, it wasn’t long before he returned with two chipped mugs of tea, he handed one to Tonks who took it gratefully.  
He chose not to sit beside her, but instead sat in the leather armchair across from her that sat beside the fire, he awkwardly scooted it in Tonks’s direction as he sat. Tonks tried to ignore the feeling of another tear forming in her heart.  
“Is everything alright?” he asked in an odd voice, jolting Tonks from her own thoughts.   
“Yeah everything’s fine,” she said, “I just wanted to see you. It’s been…”  
“A while,” he offered, giving her a lopsided smile. He took in a deep breath and looked down into the mug clasped in his hands, “it wasn’t anything personal Tonks, I assure you. The Ministry and the Prophet wouldn’t stop badgering me since the War ended, I knew they’d look to you if they wanted to discern my location, and the Ministry has their own ways of extracting information from their workers. Also I knew it wouldn’t take you long to discern my location anyway.” He gave her a wink at that.  
Tonks nodded; a little irritated that Remus still wouldn’t admit that he had been deliberately avoiding her. “Yeah, the Ministry’s right pissed that a werewolf managed to slay more Death Eaters than most of their own Aurors did. We’ve all been trying to get them to back off you.”  
He gave a dry chuckle. “A man’s entitled to his privacy and his peace. But I suppose according to them, I hardly qualify as a man.”  
It was then something struck her, something she didn’t fully understand up until now. For the last three years Tonks had become so blinded by the idea that with Voldemort dead, it meant better lives for everyone. But this was not so. Remus was still a pariah in the wizarding world. She had loved Remus so blindly that she had forgotten what it was like to fear werewolves as something dangerous and inhuman.   
The mug shattered in her hand.  
“Blimey!”  
“Here,” with a casual wave of his hand, the mug repaired itself and the tea disappeared from its new spot in Tonks’s lap. Remus stood and gestured for Tonks to hand him the mug. “I forgot to keep conversation light with you for the sake of my dishware,” he teased.  
As she handed to mug to him, Remus gave her a strange look. It didn’t take long for Tonks to figure out why. Had they had this same conversation three years ago, Tonks would be standing up, pacing the room infuriated, assuring Remus that soon his kind would be accepted, that the laws would change and the Ministry would “get their heads out of their arses.” She wondered weather she had matured, or had grown as bitter and cynical as everyone else. Her hair seemed to think so. Ever since Remus ended their relationship, it simply refused to change color anymore, it knew the battle with him was over before she did.  
“How’ve you been otherwise?” asked Tonks.  
Remus just gave her a weak smile in reply, instead turning his head to look at the storm outside. The wind was rattling the windows now, the rain spraying against the panes. “It’s a shame you had to come here with the weather like this. The beaches are quite nice to walk along.”  
“Oh I bet,” said Tonks, her voice cracking slightly.  
She could feel it, her heart sliding out of its place in her chest, down somewhere near her stomach, which was threatening to expel her lunch at any moment. Small talk. When was the last time her and Remus made small talk? When they first met each other all those years ago in Grimmauld Place.   
Suddenly she could feel Remus’s eyes on her. Looking up she saw the light of the fire light up his eyes in a way that made them appear quite feral, shining gold in the failing light. She wondered what he was thinking, looking at her now, how shriveled and worn she had become. It was the very thing Remus thought his absence would prevent. Was he now realizing how backwards he was?   
Three years Tonks. The man’s lasted three years without you. Can’t you see you weren’t as important to him as he was to you?   
Something snapped within her. Without realizing it, Tonks found herself darting from her seat, out the door, and hurtling into the storm outside, ignoring the sounds of Remus calling after her.  
She didn’t get far before the wet sand began to slow her down to a complete halt on the road not far from Remus’s cottage. It wasn’t long before she felt two hands gently grip her shoulders and turn her around.  
Tonks looked up into Remus’s eyes, half-masked by his sopping-wet fringe. He was panting slightly from the strain of chasing after her. “Tonks…”  
“Don’t call me that!” she hissed, pounding her fists into Remus’s chest. Her head dipped foreword into him, he curled his arms around her into a tight embrace in what felt like a vain attempt to shield her for the storm that surrounded them now. “Dora. I want you to call me Dora like you used to…” she mumbled, knowing Remus wouldn’t be able to hear her.  
She felt his hand begin to stroke her hair, she could hear his heart beating in his chest, the storm was gone now. She could no longer feel the rain pummel her back, but she knew it was still there. It was always there.  
“I’m so sorry…” she heard him whisper. Then, she felt Remus take his hands and pull her face up to look at him, she couldn’t be sure, the rosy color of his nose and eyes could have meant that he had been crying as well. “You asked me how I feel?” she nodded, recalling he had given no answer. “Broken. I feel broken.”  
Then, without warning, his face plunged into hers, eliminating the gap between their lips. It took a moment for Tonks to fully register that Remus Lupin was, in fact, kissing her. Something he had not done in quite some time.  
“I’m broken Tonks,” he said as he pulled his face away from her slightly, only to dive in for a kiss more desperate and vicious than the last. When he pulled away again, “I thought time could fix me,” another kiss, “I thought solitude could fix me,” another, “this place, I thought this place could fix me,” their lips met again.   
“But you, Nymphadora Tonks, only you can fix me. I know that now. Forgive me. I was so very wrong.” Another sob racked Tonks’s body. “I love you, Dora.”

She found Remus sitting on the sofa, staring intently into the fire as she exited the bathroom, running a towel through her hair. “Thanks for the change of clothes,” she said, causing Remus to jump slightly as he was jogged from his thoughts. “You know I should be a little upset that we’re almost the exact same size,” she tugged at the waistline of Remus’s pants that were hanging off her thin waist. “Well, except in height,” she gestured to the rolled-up cuff of her trousers and sleeves of her shirt.   
Remus puffed out a laugh at that. He gestured for her to come sit by him and she gladly obliged, immediately feeling the oh-so familiar and comforting warmth of him beside her. He wrapped an arm around her and placed a chaste kiss atop her mouse-colored head.   
“Is this my fault?” he asked timidly, running his fingers through her hair.  
“You’re bloody well right it is,” said Tonks in mock anger. She turned her head to look up into his face and saw the hurt in his eyes, “as long as you don’t bugger-off again I’m sure it’ll come back.”  
“The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”   
Tonks bit back a scathing reply. She understood well enough why Remus did what he did, although she did not agree it was the best decision, it was his, and she had to respect that. Maybe it really did take three years of absence for Remus to realize just how much they needed each other.   
“I know,” was all she could say. “Just please don’t leave me again…I don’t think I could bare it.”   
“I won’t.” His resolve was clear in his voice and it made Tonks smile.   
There was a loud crack of thunder but neither of them moved. The storm could rage all it liked but it didn’t matter now. They sat in silence, listening to the low crackle of the fire and the storm outside. Tonks soon began to feel drowsy and made to ask if the two could retire to bed.  
“Remus?”  
No answer.  
“Remus.” Tonks turned to look up at him and found he had fallen asleep, eyes closed, his mouth slightly agape, his chest rising and falling in slow, even breaths.   
She could feel the prickle of tears welling up in her eyes. She wasn’t upset. Not in the slightest. The man of her dreams, the man she loved wholly and completely, she was in his arms now, the place she knew she belonged.  
Tonks wormed her arm behind Remus’s back and placed the other over his stomach, enveloping him in a snug embrace. She buried her face into his chest, letting the sound of his beating heart lull her to sleep. 

The next morning Tonks would find her hair had become a beautiful shade of blue. It wasn’t as fun and vibrant as her typical pink, but it suited her now. It suited a Tonks that was wiser, calmer. It suited Dora. It suited Nymphaora Tonks Lupin.


	2. Horizon

Tonks was fiddling with her hair all morning. It was still early when she woke and Remus was still asleep. When they were together Remus rarely woke after her and she wanted to relish the moment….and she also wanted to figure out what to do with her hair.  
Morphing was harder than she remembered it being, but she managed to turn her eyes into a shade of blue that complimented her hair, just for practice. When she returned to the living room she found Remus was gone.  
“Remus?”  
She darted through the house, making a sweep through the kitchen, bedroom and guest bathroom, he was nowhere to be found. Eventually she made it to the window above the sink where she looked out onto the ocean and she saw him there. He was swimming not too far from the shore, riding the waves and letting them push him back towards land, he looked thoroughly content.  
Smiling, she ran outside to meet him. She had lived with Remus long enough to know that the wind would carry her scent down to him and he would be aware of her presence long before she reached him. The wind had whipped her midnight blue hair about her head, ruining Tonks’s hard work in the bathroom mirror, but seeing Remus’s face light up as she approached the shore, she didn’t care.  
He trudged through the water and she got a good look at him as the sun shone on him with crisp, morning light. He was clad in nothing but a pair of tight black pants that fell to his knees, and his wet hair clung to his eyes and obscured his face, leaving Tonks’s to gaze upon his exposed torso and legs. His body glittered from wetness, drops of water clinging to his thinly-furred chest and stomach. She could make out the claw marks that littered his frame but the sun did a good job of blowing them out in the light, even the large bite on Remus’s left shoulder was barely visible. He was a healthy weight, and in far better shape with thin, sinewy muscles wrapping around his slight build making him appear wiry and fit. Tonks couldn’t stop grinning at how much more physically attractive Remus had become in just three years.  
“Hey there!” she said with playful flirtation.  
“Dora! Your hair!” said Remus, an enormous grin spread across his face, he looked absolutely gorgeous. He quickly closed the gap between them and pulled Tonks into a tight embrace, which he quickly retreated from. “Oh! I’m sorry! Look, I’ve got you all wet now.”  
Tonks laughed and looked down at her (or rather Remus’s) slightly damp shirt. “Just a bit. Did I disturb your swim? You looked rather happy out there.”  
He let out a breathy laugh and looked back at the sea behind him. “No not at all.” Then, suddenly, Remus’s expression became grim, and Tonks saw that he could no longer look her in the eye.   
“Remus, what is it?” she said. She took his chin between her fingers and pulled his face down into hers, yet his eyes still would not meet hers. “Talk to me.”  
“I just remembered…I had planned to spend the next full moon out there…”  
At first Tonks did not understand. Why would Remus go out to swim on the night of the full moon? Then it hit her, and her eyes welled up with tears. “Oh, Remus…you…?”  
He pulled his face free of her grip, and looked down at his sand-encrusted feet. “I figured…three years…you would have moved on, gotten on without me, found someone else. But you were all I had left. The Ministry wouldn’t allow me to live like a normal person so I moved out here. But the loneliness killed me. I would be a burden on anyone I chose to share my life with. I didn’t think there was any option left for me.” He was muttering, wringing his hands in front of him like a schoolboy being reprimanded.   
Tonks pressed the tears from her eyes with the heel of her hand. “Remus, there was never anyone else. Ever. I wanted to respect your need for space, that’s why I waited so long. If I had known what you had planned to do I would have come sooner. Fuck, I never would have let you leave at all!” Remus laughed and looked up at her, his lips forming the smallest of smiles.  
“I’m sure plenty of people would have tried and stop me if they knew what I had planned. Hence why suicide attempts aren’t normally social affairs.” They both laughed. Remus turned and looked out at the horizon. “I thought…it would be a clean death. No body. No mess. Molly would just come by the next morning and find the note I left.” He laughed again. “So you can imagine your appearance on my doorstep last night felt somewhat like divine intervention.”  
“Damn right it was!” Tonks pulled Remus into a tight hug not minding that he was now soaking through her clothes with seawater. It was several heartbeats before she felt Remus return her embrace. She could feel his nose press into the top of her head and inhale deeply, something he had done when they first shared an embrace. “I love you so much Remus.”  
“I love you too.”

***

Tonks prepared breakfast while Remus showered. She was happy to find that his kitchen was well stocked, remembering the bare cupboards and shelves of Remus’s flat back during the war. She was able to put together a meal of bacon, eggs and toast, lathered with butter and salt. It was all cooked and plated by the time Remus emerged from his bedroom clad in clean clothes.  
“Merlin Remus! Did you even think to buy yourself some new clothes with all that money? How old are those trousers?” said Tonks gesturing violently to Remus’s darned and knee-worn trousers.  
He gave a light laugh, which surprised her. Remus never had much of a sense of humour when it came to his manner of living. “Hey, these trousers have seen me through some rough times, I can’t just toss them away now that I can afford new ones.”  
“Don’t talk about your bloody trousers like they have feelings! I’m taking you out shopping this week.” She turned and set their breakfast down at the dining room table, careful not to disturb the piles of papers that had accumulated on it. “Sit!” she gestured to the chair across from her.  
Remus sat and they began their breakfast in brief silence. “What’s all this then?” she asked, peeking over the top of one of the stacks of papers.  
“I’ve been doing some freelance writing for one of the local papers in the village nearby.”  
“And it creates this much paperwork?” she asked with eggs in her mouth. Remus took his time chewing his food and swallowing it before answering.  
“This is all part of the research, not my actual articles. The villagers around here are fans of local lore. I’ve been researching into the rumor of the leviathan camped out near the shores around here.”  
Tonks raised her eyebrows at this. “Really? A leviathan?” She nearly choked on a hunk of bacon she was chewing when she came to a realization, “Remus you were swimming out there!”   
He laughed. “It’s not legitimate Dora. Most of this is research I’ve been doing is to debunk the rumor. That’s more or less what my articles have been about.” He laughed again and shook his head, “actually I received a letter from a disgruntled reader a few months ago who said my articles are sucking the mystery out of life. He was a muggle.”  
Tonks puffed out a laugh. “But you’ve been enjoying writing them though?”  
He nodded, “yes. It’s kept me occupied. I gave up looking for a real job years ago,” he said with no bitterness in his voice.  
Tonks nodded at this. She had always tried to help find Remus a well-paying job, it was never about the pay as it was about helping Remus feel like a normal human being. She began to wonder if some good really did come out for Remus now that the war was over. The Ministry had to officially recognize Remus as a war hero and give him the same recognition as the other Order members that fought at the Battle of Hogwarts otherwise they were sure of some severe media backlash. And now with Kingsley and Mr. Weasley enjoying their promotions the pair had been working relentlessly to repeal the anti-werewolf legislation that Dolores Umbridge had instilled years back.  
“This is great, Dora,” said Remus, jolting Tonks from her thoughts.   
“Thanks.”  
“I don’t quite remember your cooking ever being this…not burnt.”  
She tossed a hunk of her toast at him and they both laughed.  
There had been something floating between the two since they had resolved their three-year absence from one another’s lives. And that was what the future would look like now. Tonks bit back tears at the very thought of knowing Remus had resolved that he had no future…enough to simply end his life. But she was here now and she simply could not leave him again, and she didn’t believe either of them wanted her to.  
“So what do we do now, Remus?” Tonks asked abruptly. Remus looked up at her with a mouthful of food and stared at her blankly, taking his time chewing and swallowing before answering.  
“What do you mean?” he asked. Tonks huffed, he was avoiding the subject.  
“You know what I mean. I mean…breakfast is going to be over soon…what then?” Remus didn’t answer her. He simply began tearing off hunks of bread and popping them in his mouth. “Would you like me to stay?” Remus shook his head and looked down at his plate. “Why not?”  
“You can’t be apparating from here to the Ministry every day.”  
“Then why don’t you come stay with me? I mean…my flat’s small but we could make it work…” Again, Remus shook his head. “Then what? You think after what you told me out there on the beach I’m just going to get up and be gone from your life again? …Remus.” She reached out and touched his hand gently. “I love you more than you can possibly understand. I know you feel the same way. Let’s figure this out.”  
Remus looked up at her and she could see something behind his bright blue eyes crack and falter. It had taken three years for Remus to finally break and admit that he needed her, even if it was with just a look.  
“I like it here. The Ministry has a Scotland branch you know. What if I look into applying for a transfer?” She suggested, getting excited about the prospect of living on the beach of Scotland with Remus.  
Remus seemed to sense her excitement and gave her a wry smile. “If you really want to do that.”  
Tonks gave him a grin and nodded vigorously, “I really do.”

***

It was made official rather quickly. Tonks commuted between her job in London and Remus’s cottage for about a week before her request for a transfer was approved. Almost the entire Weasley brood, along with the trio, Harry, Ron and Hermione, aided in bringing Tonks’s belongings to the cottage via floo network the weekend after Tonks’s transfer was approved.  
For most, it had been the first time they had seen Remus in years. Everyone had similar reactions and remarks as to Remus’s improved physique and health. It had been a fun occasion for everyone helping Tonks set up her belongings in Remus’s house. Remus, Arthur, Ron and Harry were in charge of making the necessary additions to the cottage, like a second closet and larger bathroom. The women set about decorating the cottage with Tonks’s possessions without overpowering what Remus had set up beforehand.  
When evening rolled around Molly, Ginny, Fleur and Hermione prepared a grand dinner with fresh supplies from the village down the road. They ate on the newly-added patio outside that overlooked the sea.   
When Tonks caught Remus accepting a plate of ham and mashed potatoes from Mrs. Weasley she couldn’t help but grin at how truly happy he looked.  
When Tonks first came to Remus that night, yes, physically, he did look healthier, but his eyes and expression seemed sad and almost vacant. While his body spoke of days spent swimming outside and finally getting three square meals a day, his face spoke of years of unwanted solitude and longing. Now, Remus was finally complete. He was finally happy.  
“I do apologize for my…absence. I’ve been made well aware that some of you were worried about me.” Remus said to his dinner guests as the evening began to wind down.  
“It’s quite alright Remus. We’re just so happy you’ve finally let yourself be happy!” said Hermione who reached over and took Remus’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Tonks saw frequently the sad, longing stares Hermione had been giving Remus all day. Like Tonks, Hermione had not seen Remus in three years and worried about him too.  
Tonks and Remus bid everyone farewell as everyone took their leave around midnight.   
“You look tired,” said Tonks who was standing in the centre of the living room with Remus, holding him around the waist.  
“You forget the moon is coming in two days,” he said with a sleepy smile.  
“Oh bugger! I did forget!” Tonks withdrew herself from him to seize handfuls of her own hair (which, during the course of the day, faded down to a deep maroon colour) “Do you have everything you need? I can run to the shop tomorrow and get--”  
Remus let out a chuckle and lazily draped his arms across Tonks’s shoulders. “You seem to also forget I’ve been dealing with the moon on my own for three years now.”  
“Do you have Wolfsbane?”   
Remus nodded. “I have a deal with a potions master in the village. I send him payment at the beginning of the month and he sends and owl with it every morning the week prior to the moon. He’s a nice man actually.”  
Tonks laughed, “actually?”  
“The man I had dealt with in Diagon Alley was not very fond of my kind. He would constantly remind me he would only brew it because he didn’t want to feel morally responsible if I wreaked havoc on the townsfolk. Then Severus was never a pleasant man to have to ask favors of either.”  
Tonks dipped her head into Remus’s chest and laughed again, “potions masters must just be an unpleasant bunch on the whole. With a few exceptions.”  
“Much like werewolves.”  
Tonks looked up at him and he smiled down at her, leaning in to give her a kiss.  
When they parted their lips Tonks said, “please don’t spend the moon in the cellar. If you have the Wolfsbane, spend the moon with me.”  
Remus nodded and pulled her in closer. “I think I will.” 

***

Like Remus had said, at around six in the morning, a large barn owl was scratching at the bedroom window. Tonks was the one who let the owl in to deliver the large phial of Wolfsbane. The owl swooped into the room and presented its parceled leg to Tonks who took the phial from the creature, who subsequently nipped at her hand, expecting payment. The only thing Tonks could find in time was some leftover ham from the evening before which satisfied the creature and it quickly took its leave.  
Remus emerged from the shower looking contemplative when he saw the phial in Tonks’s hand. “Archimedes came already?” he asked curiously.   
“Yeah,” she held the phial out to him. “Took a bit of my finger with him.”  
Remus let out a low chuckle and presented his hand to Tonks who saw he had a small gallery of small, nearly-healed cuts on his fingers. “He’s a very impatient thing.” He took the phial from Tonks who pulled his hand to her lips and gave a few kisses on his cuts in quick succession. “If kisses could heal I think I would have stopped being a werewolf long ago.” Tonks gave him a warning look and stormed off into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.  
When Remus came out into the kitchen Tonks was still preparing breakfast with some ferocity. “You’re being awfully quiet…” Remus said with some apprehension in his voice. Tonks knew she needed to quickly explain herself otherwise Remus would get the wrong idea as to why she was being so quiet.  
“It’s nothing to do with you…well…it is…I just…I don’t really know why I’m so mad…” in her fervor Tonks dropped an egg on the floor, she cursed and vanished it with a jerky flick of her wand.   
Remus came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Is it about the moon?”  
Tonks shook her head in frustration. “I just had these stupid ideals back during the war…that everything was going to be a thousand times better with Voldemort and all the rest of them gone but…it’s not. You’re still a werewolf. You’re still in pain. And I’m still incapable of helping in any way.”  
“You’ve helped me more than you give yourself credit for.” He pulled his arms around her and gave her a firm hug from behind.  
“But it’s not enough. And it’ll never be enough…” she turned around to face him and looked up at him with a stern, determined gaze. “If I could tear the wolf out from within you and hurl him into the sea I would.”  
Remus burst out laughing and pulled her tighter into his embrace. He lowered his head down on the top of hers and was taking in deep inhales of her hair. Tonks liked the sensation more than she would ever let Remus know, so she remained silent as she buried her face in his chest, lulled into some kind of sober state of consciousness by the light thumping of his heart.

***

By the time sunset had come Tonks had nearly forgotten about the aforementioned moon until Remus came walking into the living room wearing nothing but a towel that was wrapped around his waist. Tonks jumped up from her seat in alarm, “bugger! Sorry dear I was all caught up in my—”  
Remus just gave her a lopsided smirk and held up his hand, “it’s alright Dora. It’s not your responsibility, it’s mine. Now…are you going to watch too or…?” he dropped off, looking slightly wary of what Tonks was going to say.  
She quickly weighed the pros and cons in her head, ultimately winning out that Remus would probably feel more comfortable if he didn’t transform with an audience. “I can go in the bedroom until you’re done,” she said, Remus didn’t protest but went and sat over on the sofa before a roaring fire that Tonks had lit in the fireplace.  
Tonks walked over and sat beside him, she turned to regard him but his gaze was fixed on the fire before them, the flames creating a golden glow in Remus’s eyes. “I still have time,” he finally said, “moon isn’t coming up for another hour.”  
“So you just couldn’t wait another hour to get naked in front of me?” Tonks asked teasingly.   
Remus smiled but still did not look at her. “Sometimes I’m a little off about when moonrise is. Better to be safe than sorry. I don’t feel like buying new clothes.”  
“Although you should. I’ve seen your closet Remus, I don’t think you’ve bought yourself new clothes since…blimey! When’s the last time you’ve gone shopping Remus?”   
He puffed out a laugh and finally looked at her, “I don’t really ever need to. I’m quite handy with patching and darning and I get enough jumpers from Molly every holiday.”  
They spent that hour talking. It was always something that came rather easily for the two of them, conversation just came naturally, nothing ever faked or forced or uncomfortable about it. They quickly lost track of the time and during Tonks’s tale about Moody’s replacement eye Remus began gasping violently, he fell from the couch onto all fours and his gasps turned into groans, his groans quickly turning to shrieks as the transformation began to take hold of him.  
Tonks promised she would leave the room, but her instincts to protect Remus overpowered her and she quickly dropped to the floor, wrapping her arms around Remus’s shoulders and holding him close, Remus was in too much pain to protest.  
She could feel the bones shifting beneath her, muscles twitching and hair growing. She heard Remus’s voice deepen into feral yelps and when the process was finally over, the enormous hulking wolf that had replaced Tonks’s lover, fell to the ground in a heap, breathing heavily.  
Tonks pulled away to drink in his new form, she had seen plenty of illustrations during her research into lycanthropy back when she had first learned of Remus’s condition, but most of those illustrations included the werewolf tearing at the throat of an unsuspecting victim, but the creature that lay before her was nothing like the books had described.   
The wolf was remarkably pitiful. Thin skin stretched taut over bones, covered in fine grey hairs all over save for wherever there was scar tissue, including the bite mark on his shoulder. For its sheer size, the animal was rather thin and delicate looking, Tonks noticed the wolf began to shiver and she heard it give the faintest whimper, for a moment she had forgotten this was the werewolf that lurked in the woods, the beast that preyed on young children and turned them into monsters, the thing her parent’s always warned her about.  
“Remus?” asked Tonks. His eyes were closed but when they pried open she saw they glowed the most iridescent golden color. She reached out and scratched the wolf between his pointed ears; he let out a long groan of pleasure in response. “You tired?” she asked, not really knowing what to get back as an answer.   
Remus keened in response and Tonks took that as a “yes.”   
“Do you wanna hop up on the couch?”   
Again another keen, this time Tonks wasn’t sure how to interpret it. When it didn’t look like Remus was going to be moving any time soon Tonks scooted closer, leaning up against the couch she gently pulled Remus’s giant wolf head into her lap and continued scratching between his ears.  
The evening went by with Tonks scratching Remus on his head as she stared blankly into the dying embers of the fire. Her wand was on the couch just out of reach and she was pinned between Remus’s head and the floor, yet she didn’t feel trapped. Eventually her mind began to wander, and one thought immediately jumped into focus…if she had not shown up when she did, tonight would be the night that Remus would swim out into the sea to die…  
How different would tomorrow be for her? For everyone? When Molly would arrive to check on him only to find an empty cottage with a suicide note on the table? A tear slipped from her, rolling down her cheek and disappearing into the thick fur of Remus’s head below. She never figured fate was an actual thing, something that actually existed. But when her impeccably timed visit to Remus’s cottage prevented so much pain and loss…what else was she supposed to call that?   
She looked down at Remus, who was fast asleep now, she had been told by more than one person that Remus suffers more than anyone could ever know. It was Sirius who had said that she was one of the few good things he had in his life. She never took it seriously, but she recognized over the last few weeks how much he needed her, and how much she needed him.  
“I’m not leaving. You hear me, Remus? Never.” She knew he did not hear her, she hoped that he had heard her on some unconscious level and that was enough for her.

***

When morning came Tonks was awoken by the sound of wolfish yelping coming from the bedroom, signaling that Remus was transforming back to himself again. This time she stayed in the living room until she heard the wolfs yelps and whimpers die down into very human moans.   
She approached the bedroom door and knocked, “Remus? Remus. I’m coming in alright?”  
When she opened the door Remus had quickly yanked off a sheet from the bed to cover himself. He was sweating and shaking violently, clumps of damp hair falling in his eyes. Tonks rushed over to his side, brushing the hair from his face.  
“Are you alright honey? Do you need anything?” she asked hurriedly.  
He didn’t say anything but weakly shook his head, most of his attention was focused on evening out his breathing. Tonks pulled one of his arms around her shoulders and began lifting him up onto the bed, he grunted but Tonks brushed it off and began pulling his legs up onto the bed.  
The sheet pooled about his waist, he lay there on the bed, eyes closed and face cross in a grimace of pain. Tonks stood before him and awaited instruction.  
When Remus’s breathing seemed to have died down to slow, even breaths, and his face finally relaxed, Tonks bent foreword and brushed the hairs from his sweat-matted brow and gave him a quick peck just above his eyebrow.  
“Darling? Can you hear me? Do you need any potions for the pain? I have—”  
“Marry me.”  
Tonks froze in place, looking down at Remus completely aghast. His eyes were still closed and he hadn’t moved at all, for a moment she wondered if she misheard him…and then he said it again.  
“Marry me…” This time Remus opened his eyes, they were bloodshot and glassy, Tonks felt him take a weak grip of her hand with his and he looked her in the eye. “Please Dora…marry me.” His gaze slowly drifted over to the bedside table, he was eyeing a drawer. “Open it…”  
Tonks let go of Remus’s hand and pulled open the drawer. “The box…” she hard Remus rasp.   
She dug through the drawer until her hand came in contact with a small metal box. Trembling, she pried it open with one hand and inside was a small silver ring. Her eyes immediately welled up with tears and she looked down at Remus, grinning ear to tear.  
“My mother’s…” he said, Tonks saw his eyes begin to drift closed. “Do you…?”   
“Yes,” said Tonks breathily, quickly bending foreword to give Remus a passionate kiss on the lips.  
She heard him give a weak moan of pleasure, when she pulled away her fiancée was fast asleep.


	3. Dawn

She was thankful Remus was out with Harry and the Weasley boys that morning. Tonks had woken up heaving last night’s dinner into the toilet. It had happened several mornings prior as well and Tonks had always remembered to put a silencing charm on the bathroom beforehand. But she had the feeling that her mornings spent in the bathroom were now on notice by her husband.   
When she was finished she called for Molly Weasley via fireplace. She said she was in the middle of feeding little Victoire, daughter of Bill and Fleur Weasley, and would “pop ‘round” once Victoire was down for her nap. Tonks then sent a patronus to Remus asking him to pick up some powdered root of asphodel before he came home; she had hoped the errand would buy her at least another hour before he came home.   
When Molly arrived Tonks had fallen asleep on the sofa and was jolted awake by the sound of Molly’s arrival. “Oh goodness! I’m sorry dear!” said Molly, brushing the ash from her cloak.  
“It’s fine,” she sat up, looking apprehensive. “I…I need your help with something.”  
Molly didn’t seem to sense Tonks’s weariness and continued to smile at her fondly. “What do you need sweetheart?” In her typical motherly fashion, she bent down and began feeling Tonks’s face and forehead. “Are you sick?”  
Tonks shook her head. “N-No. I don’t think so…I just…I think I might be…”  
It dawned on Molly all too suddenly. She let out a gasp of delight, tears welling up in her eyes; she threw her arms around Tonks and began showering her with congratulations. Tonks gave a humorless laugh and returned the hug stiffly. “Molly, Molly…” she repeated, trying to calm the elder woman down. “I’m not entirely sure. I’ve been vomiting the past few mornings and my jeans don’t fit as good…”  
“You want me to make sure?” asked Molly, who was still trying to contain her excitement. Tonks nodded sheepishly. “Here dear, stand up and lift up your shirt.”  
Tonks did as instructed and lifted up her shirt, looking down at her slightly swollen stomach she concluded that if she wasn’t pregnant her name wasn’t Nymphadora Tonks Lupin.   
Molly ran her hand gently over Tonks’s stomach, murmuring a spell she did not recognise. There was a warm sensation then a pink glow began to emit from beneath Molly’s hand and the woman gave another yelp of excitement. She looked up at Tonks, misty-eyed and nodded.  
“I-I’m…?”  
“You’re going to be a mummy!”   
The two women shared an embrace.

A thesteral-shaped patronus galloped into the cottage and, in Remus’s voice, told Tonks that Harry and Ginny had invited the two of them to lunch. Tonks smiled and gestured to Molly who was making lunch in the kitchen already and said for him to go and enjoy himself. The patronus nodded disappeared.  
“His patronus is a thesteral?” asked Molly sadly.  
Tonks nodded. “Remus has dealt with more death and loss in his life than I think any of us have. I’d actually be surprised if it wasn’t.”  
“I’m glad he’s no longer shut away here anymore,” said Molly.  
“Yes, three years with hardly any contact with the outside world, it was a slow process but I think he’s adjusting to other people well enough.”  
Yes. Tonks recalled the first time she had brought Remus up to the village to pick out ingredients for dinner. It was subtle but Tonks eventually saw Remus was retreating more and more into himself as the day went on, then she saw the quiver in his hands and the quickening on his breath. She brought him out to a park where the sparseness of people eventually to calmed him down. There he explained to Tonks that he rarely left his property over the last three years and being around so many people at once was causing a physical reaction. The last time he had been around so many people was during the Battle of Hogwarts.  
“When are you going to tell him?”   
The question came abruptly, startling Tonks into stubbing her toe on the corner of the counter. The time she spent nursing the pain in her foot gave her enough time to mull over thoughts before answering. “I…soon. Soon.”  
“Are you worried about how he’ll react?” asked Molly, who had stopped cooking to address Tonks directly.   
She huffed and looked over at Molly. “I don’t know what I’m worried about. This just totally came at me out of nowhere. It wasn’t planned. We never really talked about having kids.” She felt a hand on her shoulder; Molly had crossed the room while Tonks was talking.   
“Raising my own children were some of the happiest years of my life,” said Molly, misty-eyed.   
“Do you know what the last thing Sirius ever said to me was?” Tonks could feel Molly stiffen from across the table, she could imagine it had been a while since anyone brought up Sirius by name, when Tonks looked up again though Molly seemed to have relaxed enough for Tonks to continue her story.  
“It was the morning before the battle at the Ministry…he was in the house all alone, everyone else was away on missions including Remus. I made time to go down and have breakfast with him and I figured it would be a good time for me to tell him about the feelings I was beginning to have for Remus. Those two were like brothers…I almost treated it like I was confiding in Remus’s brother rather than my own cousin. He noticed how quiet I was being and asked me what was the matter…I said:  
‘I think I’m falling in love with Remus.’  
And he kind of looked at me almost blankly and the first thing he said was ‘Are you serious?’ At first I was offended, but then I realised it was Sirius defending Remus from and kind of harm I would do if my feelings wound up being just some crush that didn’t go anywhere. I don’t remember exactly what I said, it wasn’t much but I think he understood the sincerity in my words and he nodded, stood up and said to me…  
‘Remus suffers far more than I think he’ll ever let any of us know. If you really are serious about a relationship with him I think you’d make him happy. Ever since I got out of Azkaban, other than wanting Peter dead all I’ve wanted was for Remus and Harry to be happy.’”  
When Tonks had finished Molly was dabbing at tears with a handkerchief. “Oh Sirius…” she said breathily. Tonks nodded,  
“That was the last thing he said to me…when someone dies their last words to you always seem to be the most important. I’ve never forgotten what he said. I guess that’s a reason why I never gave up on Remus even when he pushed me away so many times.”  
“He worries an awful lot. Even now. He’ll worry about the baby, there’s no doubt about that. But I think in the end he’ll be happiest when he’s a father. I know Arthur always was, and he worried like the dickens when I found out I was pregnant with twins but he loved being a father enough to set those fears aside.”

There was no more baby talk the rest of the day. Molly took her leave mid-afternoon to prepare dinner for her own family, leaving Tonks to spend the remainder of her afternoon mulling over how she was going to break the news to Remus.   
Her husband returned just as the sun was going down looking relaxed and effortlessly happy. His vest was unbuttoned and his tie hung low on his neck, his hair was tangled and windswept. Tonks wondered if the news would help his mood or be detrimental to it. Her inner conflict must have been apparent because when Remus saw her his smile faltered.   
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” he asked.  
Tonks started wringing her hands as she approached him. She pulled him into a tight embrace, burying her face into his chest as she declared that she was pregnant.  
“What’s that? I couldn’t hear you.”  
Tonks pulled her face from his chest, looking up at him with glassy eyes. “We’re gonna have a baby.”  
At first, Remus seemed to look down at her with a look of pure mortification, Tonks began to pull away from him but Remus, almost instinctively, hugged her closer. “A baby?” he echoed. Tonks nodded jerkily and she saw as her husband’s eyes well up with tears and pull her into a tight bear hug that Tonks was surprised Remus, given his slight build, had the strength to give.  
“Oh Dora! I-I…” he took Tonks by the shoulders and held her out before him, he was blinking back tears. “How long have you known?” he asked breathily.   
“That’s what Molly was doing here. I had her come over to…make sure.”  
“So Molly knows?” he asked, Tonks nodded. Remus looked ahead of him and pulled Tonks back into an embrace. “Wow. A baby! I…”  
“Are you happy?” she asked.  
She felt Remus tighten his hold on her. “Happy? Dora I-I’m…overjoyed! Ecstatic! We need to…Merlin! I don’t know!” he held Tonks in front of him again, Tonks was beginning to feel much like a rag doll being thrown around. “What do we need to do? I know nothing about babies…”  
Tonks laughed. “We don’t need to do anything right now. I’m barely two months along. Don’t worry about it sweetheart, I’m sure Molly will help us, she has had more kids than a jackrabbit.” Remus roared with laughter and gave Tonks a deep, breathy kiss.   
“You will be a great mother.”  
“Likewise.”

They were lying out on the beach watching the sun sink behind the horizon. When it wasn’t too cold it was one of their favourite things to do. Tonks was beginning to show signs of her pregnancy, her stomach had swollen slightly and her bras no longer fit. She made a trip with Ginny and Hermione to go buy larger bras and maternity clothes. It turned out one of Remus’s favourite things to do during the pregnancy was to slip his hand under Tonks’s shirt and let it rest on her stomach, whenever he felt movement he would hum with delight.  
“Have you thought of names yet?” Remus asked, looking up at her.  
Tonks raised her eyebrows at this, she had been so busy with everything else names hadn’t even occurred to her. “Well…if it’s a girl…” her brow furrowed in thought.  
“Andromeda?” Remus offered.  
She scoffed, “no! I am not subjecting the poor kid to having a ridiculous name like Andromeda or Nymphadora.” Remus laughed and nuzzled himself into Tonks shoulder and caressed the crest of Tonks’s swollen stomach.   
“What was your mothers name? You never tell me anything about your parents.”   
“Hope. And my father was Lyall,” said Remus, sounding sad. Tonks didn’t want to soil their beautiful evening by bringing up something upsetting in Remus’s past so she simply asked,  
“What about Hope? It’s pretty.”  
“Okay.”  
“What about a boy name?” Tonks asked.  
“Ted.”  
She was taken aback that Remus had responded so quickly, and with her father’s name.   
“After my father? That…that’s good. I like that name.” Tonks lifted her hand and ran her fingers through Remus’s hair. They sat in silence for a while as the last bits of sunlight spread out over the sea, basking them in warmth.  
“What if…Dora…” Remus looked up at Tonks with a sudden terror in his eyes. Tonks knew what was coming, she was surprised it hadn’t come sooner but she imagined Remus was to beside himself with the joy of becoming a father to bother with the one great worry for both of them. “What if it’s…like me.” Tonks didn’t answer right away and Remus shifted in his spot to look at her better. “Dora…if it’s like me it won’t survive--”  
“Don’t.”  
Remus stopped and regarded her silently. “I’m having this baby Remus. If it has lycanthropy I won’t love it any less and neither should you. And we will be there for him or her…when that time comes. Now I don’t want to hear anything more about it.”  
She was looking out into the sea but she felt Remus drop all his weight onto the ground, when she turned to look at him she found he had nuzzled his head into the sand and appeared to be asleep. She gave him a rough poke in the shoulder and he groaned and smiled.  
“I’m getting cold,” she said. Remus opened his eyes and looked up at her,  
“Then let’s get you inside.”


End file.
